116

I stepped on the scale this morning and saw 116.
I would be happy but honestly I'm just afraid that I'll step on it again and it will be 135 or something.
I don't trust my weight because I don't feel like i deserve it.
I haven't starved enough, fasted enough, or exercised enough.
I should be a thousand pounds.

All my friends hate me. I just know it. They've been distant as a group. J tried last night to talk to me I guess but it just feels like there are walls between us all.

J just got snarky with me. Fuck him.

I'm tired of being like this. MT is the only one I can talk to honestly, he's the only one who gets me. How sad is that.

I binged last night because MT was crying over his breakup and I couldn't figure out how to stop him from crying so I just let him hang up the phone. He's such a good friend to me and I can't even help him out when he needs me.

I'm such a failure.

This entire fucking situation is fucked. We all used to be the best of friends but now I even find O fucking annoying. I wish I knew how to just go back to when shit was okay but I guess people just...grow apart.

I'm trying to remind myself of everything I have left.

When I'm fucking skinny, they'll miss me.