I have not yet disappeared from the blogosphere.
That surprises me.
This semester is intense and I'm only a month into it. I have decided that although I had a mental breakdown that landed me in a psych ward less than four months ago, I'm going to double major and add on two minors. This means that to graduate on time, I will have to take a full summer course load and 18 credit hours for my remaining semesters.
It's fine. Everything is fine.
I am struggling in a lot of my classes. They are all just...intense. I've used that word twice now but it is the only one I can think of that encompasses the true pressure of them.
I'm trying really hard to take care of myself this year.
This weekend, if I have the time in between all of my homework, I'm going to take myself to a movie. There's one out that I'm really interested in. My grandma saw it and told me she thinks I'd like it. So I'm going to do it. This terrifies me. Doing anything alone, completely on my own terrifies me. We'll see if I actually follow through with it.
This summer, my family will be together for a week on the coast. I have a lot of fun things planned that I want to do, including going to a museum that has the crime scene photos of the Manson and Black Dahlia murders, as well as a rather sizable coffin collection. Also, an ice cream place that serves a flight of all 32 of their flavors. Its called balance, y'all. Haha.
Turns out, there's this suspension bridge that hangs 90 feet in the air and apparently sways really hard, especially when you get to the middle of it. It's nearby the house we're renting. I'm determined to conquer it. I hate heights. But this is my year, and I just feel like maybe I need to do this. I need to prove I'm stronger than my mind.
Now if only I could conquer my food fears LOL.
The guy I can't seem to stop writing about texted me. I had made a deal with myself that if I didn't get a definitive sign by the 7th, then I was going to move on and forget about him. And I was ready to. I was picturing my life without him in it and then...Sure enough, he texted me. On the 7th. Y'all know I believe heavily in signs so...I don't know. He sounded really lost, and I came away from the conversation feeling as though I had the upper hand for once. It felt good. But maybe not healthy.
Life just feels really heavy right now. I don't have a lot to say.
I hope everyone is doing okay.
<3 Lee
