119

Fasting went well. Not as well as it could have, but I keep reminding myself that there is always tomorrow.

I stepped on the scale and saw 119 and I felt so relieved but I'm also hoping like hell that I don't yo-yo back up to 120. I'm making myself freaking crazy.

And I want a bagel. I'm obsessed with bread. Seriously, I can pass up the cake, the chips, the muffins, the ice cream, the chocolate, the cupcakes, whatever. But if you give me bread I will eat that shit in .02 seconds flat. And I know. Ohmygod, CARBS. But I guess we all have our vices.

I feel panicked all the time now. My old spanish teacher, who I'm assistant for now, asked me today if I liked Diet Dr. Pepper and she had barely even gotten the sentence out before I blurted "NO!". It's not even like it has calories, Lee, get a grip!

But I just find self-control so hard. And it gets easier but I really have to work for it sometimes. I've learned not to carry money on me because then otherwise I will buy food with it. But today I gave away food and that honestly almost makes me happier than eating it would have...

Life at home is still really tense. My mom is working all tomorrow so I think my dad and I are going either zip-lining, or ultralight flying. Hopefully I don't have to eat anything. I hope there's at least food where we're going though because otherwise my dad will want to stop for fast food on the way home.

On the bright side, the guy I really like friend requested me on FB!

On the not so bright side, I made a post the other day about how when my ex called, I would NOT pick up because I didn't need that bullshit blah blah blah blah blah. Literally the NEXT DAY he called and I picked up. But one of the first things he said was that he felt bad for not having talked to me in like three weeks and although it's been longer, that kinda made me forgive him instantly. He's still with his girlfriend though, which is weird because he doesn't really do long relationships. She's different I guess. Ouch.

But whatever, it doesn't matter. My life is going okay and I lost an entire pound.

I seriously need to bug my mom about buying a better scale for our new place. I'm neurotic about wanting to know my exact weight, down to three decimal spaces. But the scale we have is one of those stupid old ones with just the lines on it. I don't like it. At all. But what else am I supposed to do?

I miss running...

Stay strong loves!
-Lee