Anxiety

Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm a Junior now...whoo hoo. I'm freaking out about the first day-not because it is the first day, but because I'm going to be missing it. I'm a Link Leader which means that I'll be showing the Freshman around high school and teaching them how it works and helping them get to their classes. It's only a half day for everyone else, but I've got this idea in my brain that I am going to miss so much that I'll never be able to catch up. Which isn't even true, and I'm only missing two classes, but still. Tomorrow I am  going to have to control 15 Freshies all by myself for like, four hours. I don't even know how I am going to get through this. I managed to call them all without too many panic attacks and the ones I got ahold of all seem really nice but I am still completely freaking out. I hate not being able to talk to people. But I'm doing this because I LOVED my Link Leaders when I was a Freshman and they really made high school less intimidating for me. I want to have the same impact on my freshman, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that. What if they hate me?!
This year is definitely the year I'm going to try and break out of my anxiety. I've said that every year but this time, I'm really dedicated to joining clubs and meeting new people and making connections and strengthening the friendships I have. I didn't get to see too many people this summer, and being on my own creates all this time for the depression and insecurities to creep back in. I'm going to try really hard to stay busy busy busy this year.
On Wednesday, I'm going to go work out with my friend Natalie at her gym and I'm so excited!! The Condos my mom and I are moving into also have a workout room and I am vowing now that I will try to be in there every day right after I get home for at least a few hours before I have to start my homework. That's one of the worst things about me, my procrastination. Even now, I still haven't begun to get close to finishing my summer assignment even though I've had the entire summer. UGH. Tomorrow night is going to be hell, and I know that, but I still have no motivation to do any more work. Maybe I'll try to get the first lesson and the State Hearing Questions done but idk. Tomorrow I''m headed off to play practice right after school because my church is putting on a play this coming Saturday. Joy. Yet another place for my anxiety to grab ahold of me and squeeze.
But everyone tells me that high school is the best time of your life, so I'm going to do my best to make it that way! I feel determined!
Okay, I'm gonna go wash my belly button piercing and take another crack at my summer assignments.

Love y'all (: